Happy 26 to Me

On October 26 I will be 26 years old. This is supposed to be my Golden Birthday. I will spend half of it at work doing what I love and what I enjoy. The first quarter of my life has brought me pain, joy, heartache, love, exhaustion and accomplishments. It has been a roller coaster and I appreciate that. Without the things that I have been through, I will not be the person I am today nor would I appreciate my life.

The biggest lesson that I have learned over the last 25 years is that goals are endless. When I was in the 5th grade, my friend of a year at the time, Tiera, started a tradition.  Right before school started we would set goals for the school year. At one point, maybe around middle school, I started to feel like it was  a dumb thing to do but I did it because it made my friend proud. It brought her joy and I loved to see her determination. Throughout the year we would check in on our goals and what we had accomplished. What my friend doesn't know is that I still do this today. It may not be at the beginning of the school year but  I do it. It started as goals for the school year-- good grades, meet new people, save some money, be on the honor roll, or join a club. Well then high school was over and had to set goals for college. Eventually, my goals for college had to be extended. Now I find mysef setting goals for my career and relationships.  The most difficult thing for me at 25 is to go about this world with no goal. When I completed my Master's Degree and obtained a job, I was depressed. What next!

So as I go into what I hope is at least the 2nd quarter of my life, I am looking foward to the pain, joy, heartache, love, exhaustion and accomplishments as I  move forward with a different set  goals. Becoming a licensed counselor is something that I am currently working on and 26 will defintely see it. I also hope that the next chapter of my life brings me a family, a healthier lifestyle, a new  city of my choice, a job that I enjoy as much as the one that I currently have, and some leadership opportunities.
Happy 26 Birthday to Me
May the odds forever be in my favor!!
With a sincereheart <3

Happy 42nd Birthday Mom

In less than 4 hours it will be my mother, Shonda Shaw’s birthday. My mother has been deceased for 10 years now and in honor or her birthday I will not write a status about missing her but more so about what she left me with to carry into my adult years.  

My mother was ill for majority of all my life. According to my grandmother, my mother found out that she had diabetes when she was pregnant with me. I grew up thinking that my mother was mean. She had her days were I felt she was nice but for the most part I thought she was mean. Therefore, I decided that I would go to my grandmother for things.

I remember being in the 3^rd grade. I think Ms. Walker was my teacher. This was the time where we learned our multiplication facts and spelling words started to become hard. When I got out of school, my mom would make me get right to it. I had to go in my room or to kitchen table and study, study, and study. I would come out and ask my mom to quiz me on what I had learned. The first one I would get wrong, she would send me back to my room and yell “You don’t know these! Study!” I would be like geez. I only missed one! It was unacceptable.

My mother wanted me to be independent. Although, she never said so my mother figured if I learned it at school, home is the place to practice or study it. My mother wasn't the type to walk me through it. It was like she knew that if I learned it at school she shouldn’t have to teach it at home. If I didn’t know how to do it, there were questions as to why I didn’t. This motivated me to focus on school because I knew that I would be on my own. My mom had a minimal assistance policy. I did all my reading fair and science fair boards by myself. She would asked what I needed and get it. She didn’t even help me pick out a topic or book. I remember being angry going to school with those ugly boards that I did on my own, glue everywhere, and letters crooked.  There was this one kid in my class that would win all of them. I know his mom did all his projects. She was a teacher at the school too. I knew she did them because he wasn’t that smart in school. I told my mom one time that his mother helped him and she told me that his mom is not going to be able to help him with other stuff.

My mother really prepared me to be a go getter on my own and not to depend on others. When I was in the 9^th grade she passed away. I thought that this was the time to get some help. #Fail. Everyone I would ask for help with my homework told me “They didn’t do this when I was in school!” Therefore, I had to continue on like I had been in the past.

I was an honor student from k-12. In my second semester of college, I had 2 C’s the rest of my grades (6 years of college) were A’s and B’s. My mom raised the bar and set goals for me before I even could understand. She prepared me to be independent. These are the values that make me the great worker (not toot my own horn) that I am today. It’s the reason that others have seen leadership qualities in me before I had seen them in myself. No one will ever know if this was something she just wanted out of me in general or if she knew that she would not be able to be there all the way with me physical. Either way, I am thankful for the life lesson she taught me. Even though, I thought she was being mean to me or giving me some very tough love, I understand it now and I appreciate it whole heartedly. I hope that one day I am ½ as great as the mom that she was while she was here.

I Love You Mom. Happy 42^nd Birthday!

With a Sincere Heart